The Ghost of the Memory
by extra-Mt
Summary: Foxxay high school AU. Misty Day moved a lot because of her family's occupation. On the first day of her new high school, she met a mysterious person Cordelia Goode. They gradually developed a friendship and helped each other find who they truly were.
1. Chapter 1

_Summary_ : Foxxay high school AU. Misty Day moved a lot because of her family's occupation. On the first day of her new high school, she met a mysterious person Cordelia Goode. They gradually developed a friendship and helped each other find who they truly were.

" _ **Ghosts don't haunt us. That's not how it works. They're present among us because we won't let go of them."**_

― _Sue Grafton, M is for Malice_

Misty was indifferent. Nothing around her upset her or amused her. She had passed that phase a long time ago. As she made her way through the crowd on the first day of her senior year, Misty made a mental note not to get too involved with anyone. Her parents told her they probably wouldn't stay there for more than six months. Misty didn't have high expectations. The same kind of place and the same kind of people, just like places she had lived before.

Her father's occupation was unique, and the family moved a lot. Misty had lived in Hong Kong, Canada, and many states in the US. When she was little, moving would upset her greatly. It was hard to leave her friends and adapt to a whole new environment. But over the years, she had learned not to get attached to anything or anyone. It was the only way to protect herself from heartbreaks.

She still talked to people of course. Trying not to be attached and being rude were totally different things. She just didn't care to know anything about other people's personal lives. One of the kids she met that day, named Zoe, was actually a sweet person. A little bit shy and nervous, but nice enough. As soon as the brunette found out Misty was the new girl everyone was talking about, she asked if the blonde wanted to join the cheer leading team.

"I think you could be really popular, you know. You have the body and the face." Zoe inquired with enthusiasm.

The wild blonde didn't have a clue what the girl meant but decided not to ask any questions. "No thanks. I'm not interested." Misty simply replied. She didn't care to do any extracurricular activities. She just needed to stay out of trouble until the end of time there.

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After a chime had indicated the end of her last class of the day, Misty immediately made her way out of the school. The whole building was sickeningly clean, and Misty found it odd. The school was in a wealthy community, but it's not an easy task to keep such a big place with teenagers so neat. The whiteness of it made Misty feel a little uneasy.

When she stepped out of the school's property, Misty noticed something in the corner of her eye. There was another building next to the school that looked much older than the one Misty had just walked out of. Broken windows and grey walls. _So, that's why the school is so clean_ , the girl mused. The old set of walls used to be the school building.

Misty wasn't one to usually adventure, but some invisible hand pulled her in the sleeve of her dress. The front door of the building was locked so no one could enter. Still not convinced, Misty went around checking if there were any other entrances. Making a turn to her left, she thought she had heard something. She stopped her movement and listened more carefully. The wind was starting to blow hard, making it hard to search for the sound. Misty concluded whatever that was, her ears were playing tricks on her. When she was going to walk away, she heard another faint sound. It sounded like some sort of a musical instrument to the wild blonde. She attempted to find the source of the sound rather desperately, but it was interrupted by a ding of her phone. It was a text from her mom. _Can you get milk on your way home?_ It read. Misty had to fight the urge to ignore the text and continue her quest. Another ding. _And shredded cheese_. Misty sighed and finally gave up. Walking towards her car, she turned around and looked at the old building for the last time. She was certain she had heard someone play music.

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The second day was more eventful than the day before for Misty. Some people came over to her during the lunchtime trying to be friends with her. Some people even tried to get her number and asked her out, which Misty politely declined. It was her routine; she was used to being the center of the attention and getting bombarded with questions. The girl hated all of it, but she had learned to deal with it over the years. _They'll find something new to entertain themselves with pretty soon_ , the wild blonde thought. When another whatshisname approached her and got gently rejected, Misty let out an exasperated sigh and glanced at Zoe, who was sitting across the table.

"Wow, it was like the fourth guy that asked you out today. You're really killing it." The brunette had an admiring look on her face.

With no desire to carry on this conversation any farther, Misty shoved the rest of her sandwich in her mouth. She wanted to go home and get away from all this nonsense, but that moment, an event from yesterday popped up in her mind. "So, I have a question." She said with eager, which was quite rare for the perpetually unamused girl. "I see that there's another building on this property. Is it still partially used? Because, I heard someone play music yesterday."

Misty expected Zoe to laugh at her delusion or tell her she had no clue. What she didn't expect was the other girl's face to freeze and go pale in terror. Misty sensed the other had a better answer than she expected, so she demanded an explanation with her eyes.

"Um, well, I don't think you want to hear that…" Zoe stammered, to which Misty only responded with a raised eyebrow. "It started about a year ago. People hear things from inside that building? Some kids say that it's a ghost, but… you don't believe in ghosts, do you?" The girl leaned in and whispered to Misty as if she was sharing a top government secret. Her eyes showed a great deal of concern, and Misty had to suppress her laugh.

"A ghost? A ghost that plays the piano?" Misty wasn't particularly interested in the subject of invisible entities floating around, but she decided it couldn't be such a bad thing if it's a musically gifted one. Zoe continued her speech with a serious face, but Misty was already in her own head. A kid in a football uniform approached her, but Misty just ignored him, too busy with her amusement for the ghost.

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As soon as the last class ended, Misty gathered her things and harried her way out. Zoe came to her and asked if she wanted to hang out, but Misty declined the offer. She had something better to do. Walking through the mass of students, Misty headed to the old building. It was still as old as it looked yesterday, but there was something different about it. _Maybe it's just the weather_. She looked at the black clouds above her. The forecast had predicted it was going to rain that afternoon.

Misty went back to the part where she had left off the day before and resumed her exploration. She wasn't sure if the ghost was in the mood for playing music today, but it didn't stop her from searching. To her delight, Misty heard a faint sound of piano from somewhere near. She tried to look at the inside from one of the broken windows, but there was nobody there. The farther Misty went, the louder the sound became. She kept looking inside, knowing the source of the sound must be close. When she examined from yet another window, which had its curtains shut, she saw a grand piano located in the center of the room. Misty was 100 percent confident this was what she was looking for, but… _Who's playing?_ The room was kept dark, and the curtains blocked most of her view. Leaning into the window in an attempt to have a better look at where the chair was supposed to be, Misty saw a blurred silhouette of something white. "A white ghost, classic." She murmured to no one. It took a little while, but Misty recognized the song that was played; Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. _A good taste for a ghost_ , Misty mused, and that's when the white ghost repositioned itself in the chair, revealing its face to the young blonde. _It's a woman._ A surrealistically beautiful woman with blonde hair. Misty's whole body froze in the place, and she felt shivers all over her. She kept watching the ghost's performance for what felt like an eternity. The girl was so caught up with what was before her that she didn't notice the rain threatening to get worse.

When the song stopped, Misty blinked, reminding herself to breathe. The figure abruptly stood up and left the room, leaving Misty still in the state of daze. The girl hoped the ghost would come back and play another song, but she heard a thunder above her head. It was raining harder. "Crap." Misty cursed the weather and ran to the parking lot.

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It's been two weeks since Misty had found the ghost pianist. Every afternoon, she would go to the ruin of a school and sit under the window. She tried to look from between the curtains for the first a few days, but as soon as she realized she could only get a blurry shape of a person from the angle, she gave up. But the image of the white face was glued to her brain. The music was enough for the girl for now. The ghost was such a talented pianist, and Misty couldn't help but drown herself in the sound of it. There was something enchanting about her ghost friend and the music she played. It felt soothing. The white ghost, who remained nameless, could play from classical music to modern songs. Misty wondered where the ghost learned new songs. _Can she go outside?_ She had so many questions that had no answers.

At the same time Misty noticed the music had stopped, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocked. Her mom wanted her to get groceries again. Misty stood up and looked inside the room for one more time, only to find out the ghost had left for the day.

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It was lunchtime, and Misty was sitting alone. As soon as Zoe came to realize that the wild blonde wasn't interested in their friendship as much as the brunette was, she went back to her usual group of girls. Of course Misty was apathetic, but today she needed to talk to the girl.

"Zoe, I have a question." Misty finally caught the other girl at her locker after several attempts of the day. "What can you tell me about the piano ghost in the old building? Do you know anything about her?" She was as serious as she was in biology class, which was her favorite.

"Ugh, no. Misty. Why are you so obsessed with it?" The brunette was slightly offended by the fact that the blonde had come to her only to talk about something that had nothing to do with her or their friendship.

"I'm just really curious, is all. She plays the piano quite well." Misty replied, struggling to hide her disappointment.

"Forget about it. Hey, I wanted to ask you something, too. So, my parents aren't home tonight and I'm throwing a party. You want to come? You know, as much as you want to spend time alone, there are some people who are legit wanting to get to know you." The girl questioned.

Misty was never a social butterfly, so she was going to decline when the other added "Some people might know something about the ghost." Misty was amazed by how easily the ghost could persuade her into thing like this. _But it's worth a try_. The blonde agreed reluctantly.

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When Misty arrived at Zoe's house around 10, there was already a mass of people inside and outside the house. The wild blonde fidgeted on the sleeve of her favorite red lacy dress before walking through the crowd. Some kids recognized her and gave her greetings, but Misty was too nervous to reply to them properly. The fact that some people were dancing and grinding on whoever within their reach made the situation even worse for the wild blonde. She needed to find Zoe; otherwise she wouldn't be able to survive in this warzone.

"Misty, come over here!" Zoe shouted, effectively getting the girl's attention. "I'm so glad you made it!" The brunette stumbled over with a cup of god-knows-what in her hand, smiling from ear to ear. It was obvious the daughter of the house was heavily intoxicated. "Hey, you want a drink? We have vodka, tequila, amaretto…"

"Just orange juice will do. Thanks." Misty interrupted the other's rambling, pointing at a bottle of juice on the kitchen counter. She could hear Zoe's discontent and others' mockery, which the wild blonde simply ignored.

Just as the brunette finally poured juice for the other after spending a whole minute trying to open the bottle, the music suddenly stopped. Everyone booed at what might have been the cause, but they fell quiet after seeing the person standing in front of the speakers.

When Misty turned around to see the center of the attention, she couldn't believe her eyeballs. _That can't be._ The white ghost that she had been secretly admiring for two weeks was now standing right there. The ghost looked just like Misty had remembered in the dark room, and that's why the young blonde was astounded when the ghost opened her mouth.

"What on earth is going on here? Aren't you kids letting go a little bit too much?" The white ghost's voice was huskier and stronger than Misty had imagined, if the young girl had thought the ghost could speak, that is.

All the kids except Misty and Zoe started to sparse, hoping to stay away from the trouble. Zoe was cursing under her breath behind Misty. Her friends were already gone as the rest of the crowd.

When the ghost found the hostess of the shenanigan standing in the kitchen, she strolled towards her and gave the obviously intimidated girl a cold glare. "What made you think you could get away with this, Zoey? You didn't think your parents would tell me to watch over you?" The woman reprimanded the younger girl with a quiet tone, which made her sound even more intimidating.

Zoe murmured a sorry and tried to make an excuse, but the older woman stopped her with a hand. "Look, I don't care what you do. You need some time to relax without your parents, and I understand that. But as your cousin, I'm responsible to keep you out of trouble." The blonde's face was calm, and her voice remained emotionless.

While the two people were talking, Misty was standing like a fool, not knowing what to do. The wild blonde was still in the process of grasping the situation. The beautiful blonde she had thought a ghost actually existed and walked freely on earth just as Misty did. She couldn't help but stare at the woman, who appeared to be only a few years senior than herself. The woman was wearing a white blouse and a pair of black slacks. She was slightly shorter than the wild blonde and smelled like peppermint.

Misty was so occupied with her reverie that she didn't notice when the older woman finished the conversation and turned around to her. Misty had imagined the eyes of the ghost would be pale blue, but the ones looking back at hers were dark chocolate brown. The wild blonde gasped rather loudly and swallowed hard. She froze there until she registered the perplexed expression on the other's face.

"I don't believe I've seen you around. Are you a student?" The woman questioned softly.

"She's new. Her name is Misty." Zoe answered for the girl after seeing the wild blonde had no ability or intention to speak.

"I see. Nice to meet you, Misty. I'm Cordelia, Zoe's cousin." The older woman offered a hand, which Misty timidly took with a quite hi without taking her eyes off the woman's face. The warmth of the woman's hand reminded Misty once more of the fact that she was a living human being. "I'm sorry to crash the party like this, but I think you need to go home." The girl heard the other's suggestion and nodded her head stupidly.

After Misty said a goodnight to her brunette friend, she exited the house. Walking towards her car, she heard Cordelia call her name. "Misty, do you have a ride? If not, I can drive you home." The older blonde came close to Misty and asked the other.

"No… I mean, I do have a car. Thanks." Misty responded quietly, taking her keys out of her purse. She watched the other woman nod in assurance. Her pale blonde hair bounced under the street lights, and Misty was in awe of the sight again. "Can I ask you a question, Miss. Cordelia?" The younger blonde asked innocently. She was used to speaking to older people with politeness, but this one left a little tickling feeling on her lips.

"Sure. What is it?" Cordelia smiled at the other.

"Do you play the piano? I mean, I think I saw you a couple of times in the old school building." The wild blonde couldn't possibly tell her that she visited her every day. It wouldn't be pleasant to appear like a loser in the older woman's eyes.

Cordelia didn't expect that kind of question and was at a loss for words for a few seconds. "I, ah, yes, I do. I never thought someone would see me, though." She stammered, blushing like a little girl. She thanked the darkness of the night; otherwise the girl would've seen it.

"You're a really good pianist. I like listening to your piano." Without noticing the older woman's embarrassment, Misty continued. The girl was delighted and perhaps overwhelmed even; it was like talking to one of her favorite celebrities. "That's nice of you to say, Misty." The other woman flashed a smile at the girl. "You can always come and say hi to me if you want."

The woman said it merely to be polite. Misty knew it, but it was still too lovely an offer to turn down. She gave the other a nod and said goodnight. When she started her engine and drove away, she looked in the side mirror. Cordelia was walking down the street, and Misty was again captivated by the ghostness of her. She looked at the road momentarily, but when she looked back in the side mirror, the white figure was already gone from her sight. _Yeah, it was definitely worth a try_ , she grinned on all her way back home.


	2. Chapter 2

" _ **Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive."**_

― _Anais Nin, The Diary of Anais Nin_

The next Monday, Misty followed her usual routine just like nothing had happened, but she was as excited as a child going to Disney Land. She hurried her way to the old building, where she would find her otherworldly friend, after class.

The closer she got, the louder the piano echoed and the faster the girl's heart pounded. When Misty spotted the woman inside, she realized she had no idea how to get in. The girl considered walking around in search of a door, but the melody of piano kept her glued to the window as if by magic. At last, Misty brought her hand up and knocked on the window instead.

Knock, knock, knock. Misty tapped, not wanting to surprise the other with loud noise. She waited for two seconds or three before repeating the action, but this time with a little more force. She bit her bottom lip as she watched Cordelia notice the sound and stopped her playing.

The older woman showed a small smile and walked to Misty, who was sheepishly waving her hand. She opened the window before giving the other a proper greeting. "There's a rear entrance on the other side of the building. You can come in from there." Cordelia informed the other.

"This room is much bigger than I thought." The girl mumbled when she finally got to her destination. It was the size of a normal class room in the current school building. The lights were of course off, and the only source of light was the sun, which was almost perfectly shut out by the curtains. "Aren't you scared? You know, this place is kind of… uh…" The girl desperately searched for the word to even remotely describe this dreadfully isolated place.

"Like the deep ocean. That's how I felt when I first came here." Cordelia finished the other's sentence. It might not have been the word Misty was looking for, but it suited the place well. "I find comfort in the dark. Do you think it's weird?" The woman placed herself in the chair with her back against the grand piano, looking at Misty, who was still standing in the middle of the room.

"I think it's a poetic description. And, no, I don't think it's weird." The girl shook her head, which caused her wildly curled hair bounce. "I sometimes sit on my bed in the dark, too." Misty confessed quietly. She was still in the state of star struck. She wasn't sure how to behave around the other; the woman was stunning but also terrifying, and the image of her at the party the other night added extra scariness for the girl. The woman before her was smiling at her, but Misty noticed her eyes weren't.

"You'll like it here, then." Cordelia replied. "Come sit with me, will you?" She patted the spot next to her on the chair before turning back to the piano.

Misty obliged to her request and sat beside the other. She turned her head to the left to see the woman. The closeness was new to the wild blonde, and she blinked a few times before turning her head back to the front and blinking some more. With her hands on her lap, Misty kept her back straight in a perfect posture, fully aware of the blush on her cheeks. She was scared that the proximity would allow the woman to hear her heartbeat, so she was thankful when the other started to play the piano.

It was as soothing as Misty had enjoyed under the window, but the girl could now feel the warmth of the body next to her, and it was burning her skin. It felt dizzying, and she felt her heart beat even faster.

The girl had expected them to have a chat or something, but Cordelia kept playing. The woman stopped playing after some minutes and looked up from the piano. She was just looking into space without blinking much. To Misty, it seemed like she was thinking, and the girl's heart felt a sting at the way the other sat there. Cordelia was sitting and thinking in the dark room as though the girl wasn't there. The scene before her made the girl to think if breathing was even allowed. Cordelia kept thinking, and Misty kept staring at her cautiously.

It felt like forever until Cordelia blinked and turned her head to look at Misty, but when their eyes met, the woman gave her a warm smile. Misty returned the smile, watching the other's hands go back to the keyboard.

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Since Misty had started to keep the other a company in the room, the girl would spend most of her afternoon with Cordelia while the woman played the piano. There hadn't been a huge difference since they met; Cordelia was the one to play, and Misty was still the one to listen. But now they had each other to talk to. Misty gradually grew familiar with the presence of the other, and Cordelia, on the other hand, seemed to smile more often.

It turned out that the woman, who came to the old building every weekday to play the piano, was one of the school's faculty members. Misty was pleasantly surprised to know that not only the woman actually had a legitimate job as a living human, but also she worked at her school.

"What do you teach, then, Miss. Cordelia? Because I've never seen you around in school." Misty questioned with an unconvinced look.

"Because you only came here a few weeks ago." Cordelia offered a smile that showed her perfectly aligned teeth a little. "I teach English." She added.

"You like this job?"

"I don't hate it." The woman shrugged in response.

"But you don't love it?"

"It doesn't matter. It is what it is." Cordelia said it so casually for Misty's liking, and the girl fell silent at that. "Kids seem to be afraid of me. I like that part of my job, though."

The last comment caused the girl to throw a side glance at the teacher. Cordelia raised an eyebrow and smirked, and they both burst into laughter.

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"Do you know people think you're a ghost?" Misty asked curiously one day. She just finished listening to Cordelia play a Fleetwood Mac song. Ever since the girl had told the other about her favorite band, the woman played some of their songs for the girl.

"Really? That's wonderful." Reasonably delighted, the woman let out a quite laugh.

"Yeah, I legitimately thought you were when I saw you here for the first time. You wearing all white makes an even more convincing ghost, I guess."

"Well, I always wear white so I could conceal my black soul." Cordelia joked sarcastically, which made the girl roll her eyes.

It was moments like this that Misty loved. The other woman seemed to be quite at ease with the wild blonde, and they often found themselves giggling to each other. Misty didn't realize how much she'd changed since she met Cordelia. The older woman had awoken the child in Misty that she had never thought she possessed. She still acted the same around other people, but she was a different person when she was with Cordelia. The girl cherished all of what the other had to offer.

"Yeah, I was kinda scared of you at first." Misty told the other. The room was dim as always, and they could hear the sound of pouring rain outside.

"I could tell. I could feel your nerves going crazy when you sat next to me." The older woman answered with her eyes fixed to the keyboard. She wouldn't admit to herself, but the girl had changed Cordelia's life as much as she did Misty's. The more they spent time talking to each other, the closer Cordelia felt to the other girl. She often saw her younger self in the Cajun girl.

"Right… what else did you think when you first met me?" Misty ventured. She was half serious and half joking, but she was nervous more than anything. She popped her foot on the chair and brought the knee close to her chest with an arm. It was an unconscious gesture to keep her apprehension unnoticed.

"Well, I thought you were…just another ordinary girl, to be frank." Cordelia told the other, examining the girl's expression carefully to see this hadn't upset her. God knows she had hurt people's feelings with her inability to lie countless times.

"Fair enough." The girl shrugged her shoulders and smirked. Misty knew Cordelia would be honest with her, and the answer didn't trouble her. But the girl couldn't be certain if the other would give a pleasant answer to the next question. "Do you still think of me the same?"

Cordelia snapped her eyes from the keyboard to the blue eyes of the girl. "No." There was not a single hint of hesitation in her voice. "No, I don't. I was wrong about you. You are so much more." Her eyes kept boring into the other's intensely, and Cordelia didn't know if she should smile at the other.

Misty could sense the tension of Cordelia's body as she kept her eyes on the woman's eyes. "So much more?" She whispered, resting her chin on her knee to hide the grin from Cordelia. The girl wasn't looking at the other, but she could see Cordelia struggling to find words for an explanation.

"Yes. I don't know if you're ready to hear it yet." Cordelia moved her eyes back to the piano. She had to be careful with this one. If the girl was truly what Cordelia thought she was, she wouldn't like some psychological analysis from a person she didn't trust. They had only met a couple of months ago, and the teacher couldn't be sure their friendship was strong enough for this yet.

Misty lifted her head and watched as the other woman got lost in her mind again, and she breathed out air through the nose. "Will you tell me some day?" The wild blonde tilted her head slightly to look into the brown eyes.

The woman slowly turned her head to her right. "Some day." She said quietly and heard the girl repeat the phrase. The rain was the only sound they could hear before they went back to playing yet another song.

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" _ **I ought to have guessed all the affection that lay behind her poor little stratagems. Flowers are so inconsistent! But I was too young to know how to love her."**_

― _Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince_

The heat of the summer had gone, and fall was approaching the town. It was a Sunday afternoon, and Misty was running an errand for her mother. Unfortunately for the girl, she got lost and had to walk more than necessary to find the intended place. Even though the weather was rather nice, Misty was sweating from a lot of walking. Still cursing under her breaths, she strolled back to the parking lot, which was a few blocks away. In order to avoid the annoying sun, Misty took a different path on her way back.

The small road was hidden in shadows at the time of the day, which Misty was thankful for. She kept walking, but a tiny flower shop caught her attention. Misty always found comfort among flowers, so she stepped inside. There was nobody in the shop, but Misty figured they must be in the storage or something, so she made her way freely in the shop. She halted when she saw one particular flower. _Blue roses_. Amongst other natural-colored roses were there no more than twenty blue roses.

When Misty finally walked out of the shop, she had one blue rose wrapped in pretty paper in her hand. She could hardly wait to go to school tomorrow.

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Misty almost ran to the old building after class. The wind was strong outside, but the wild blonde couldn't care less about her hair.

She entered the building and immediately greeted by a faint sound of piano. The girl listened carefully until she realized it was the same song that had led her to Cordelia on the first day. Misty smiled at the memory and headed to their designated room. The way the girl entered the room was usually very casual, but this time Misty stood in front of the door a few seconds to take some deep breaths. Trying not to disturb the other's playing, the girl slowly turned the knob and pushed the door to let herself in.

Cordelia was wearing her favorite white dress. Her straight hair danced on the shoulder as she moved her arms on the keyboard. Misty took some moments to appreciate the beauty before her eyes. Even months after their encounter, the girl was still enamored by the ghostness of her mysterious English teacher. Misty admired the woman abundantly. She had never met someone like Cordelia; someone so intelligent, beautiful, and sympathetic, and most importantly, someone the girl could completely trust.

When the woman finished the song, Misty cleared her throat, effectively catching the other's attention. "Good afternoon, Miss. Cordelia."

"How long have you been standing there?" Cordelia gave the wild blonde a mischievous smile.

"Just long enough to see you were having fun without me." Misty teased. She dropped her backpack and walked towards the piano, holding an arm behind her back.

The older woman let out a giggle, which was Misty's favorite sound in the universe. "Why do I feel like you're hiding something from me?" She teased back the girl, who was now sitting next to her. "Guess." Cordelia heard Misty demand, and she raised an eye brow at the girl. She wasn't a big fan of guessing games. If it was anyone but the wild blonde, Cordelia was sure she would ignore or glare at them. But Misty made it impossible for the woman to do the same, so Cordelia tilted her head to one side and gave the girl puppy eyes instead until the blush on the girl's cheeks was quite visible.

"Fine, fine. Stop looking at me like that, Jesus." Misty stuttered, embarrassed by the redness on her face. "There." She held out her arm and showed Cordelia the rose. Misty blushed even harder as she observed the other's facial expression.

"For me?" Cordelia stared at the flower, but her face remained blank.

"Yeah, it's…it's a blue rose." Misty stated the obvious. She wondered why the woman wasn't smiling like the girl predicted.

Right before the girl opened her mouth to say something, Cordelia abruptly grabbed her hand and stood up. "It's dark in here. Come." The woman looked down at Misty, who was shocked by the sudden contact of hands. Cordelia walked to the window and pulled the curtains just enough for the sunlight to come in. The blue appeared more vivid under the sun, and Misty finally saw the other smile at the rose in her hands.

"Why?" Cordelia asked in a quite tone.

"Because… because it's rare." Misty hadn't imagined she would be demanded to explain. "I knew they existed, but I've never seen one before. And… but, just because it's unusual doesn't mean it's not real…" Without a rehearsal, the wild blonde was a mess with words. She took a deep breath and looked out the window. "And, when I looked at them in the flower shop, they reminded me of you."

Cordelia looked up from the rose, a little startled. "Me?" Misty nodded, leaving the other woman speechless. The woman found this a lovely gesture, and she knew the girl needed a validation to her action. "It's beautiful. Thank you, Misty." She dropped her eyes to the flower once again.

Misty observed Cordelia as she brought the rose to her nose and breathed in the scent. Misty had never seen the other's face under the sun, and the sight left a sting in her heart. Cordelia smiled and gazed at the girl. "I like the color. It's gorgeous." The girl heard the other murmured. "It's the color of your eyes."

Misty doubted her ears for a second before she computed what the other just had said. She could feel her cheeks on fire, but some invisible force denied her the ability to look down. Her eyes were fixed on those of Cordelia, and Misty suddenly felt naked and vulnerable. Entranced, the wild blonde stepped closer to the other. She flicked her eyes on Cordelia's lips momentarily before getting lost in the eyes again. Another step. Misty could now see the hues in those brown eyes. Another step. She didn't know what she was doing, but she brought her hand up to touch Cordelia's cheek anyway.

Cordelia paralyzed in the place with her arms folded against her chest, but she backed away immediately when she felt the touch on her cheek. "Misty…" She wrapped herself with arms and looked at anything but the girl. Misty tried to apologize, but the woman interrupted her with a shake of her head. "I think you should go, Misty."

The words slapped Misty hard in the cheek. She fucked it up. She should've known better. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to –"

"Misty, please. Just… go." Cordelia stepped back and pleaded again without looking at her. She knew it was killing the girl, but she would be in much bigger trouble if she didn't stop this right now.

Misty felt her eyes welling up with tears, but she didn't know how to hold them. "Miss. Cordelia." She begged the other between her sobs, but the other woman didn't even bother to look up. Misty stood there for a while, hoping the Cordelia would at least look at her. In the room usually filled with laughter and music, the only thing Misty could hear now was herself crying. She finally gave up and wiped her tears with her sleeve before walking towards her backpack. When she was about to grab the door knob, she heard Cordelia call her name. Misty turned around in hope that the woman changed her mind and would ask her to stay.

"You shouldn't come here anymore." Cordelia told her calmly. She looked out the window until she heard Misty choke on tears and slam the door shut. She turned around to where the girl was standing. In an attempt to hold her tears at bay, she took some deep breaths, but when she noticed the rose she was still holding in her hand, the dam broke down. Cordelia covered her mouth to keep any sound from falling out. Her grip was tight around the stem of the rose, and she wished the rose had still had thorns.


	3. Chapter 3

" _ **The saddest thing about love, Joe, is that not only the love cannot last forever, but even the heartbreak is soon forgotten."**_

― _William Faulkner_

It was two weeks after Cordelia had rejected the young girl, and Misty went back to her old lifestyle; school and nothing else. She spent the first three nights crying in bed, but she stopped it after she had realized how impractical it was. Crying exhausted her, and she looked extra awful in the morning. Misty simply tried to forget about everything, and sleeping helped. She didn't tell anyone about what had happened, and quite frankly, Misty didn't even want to think about it.

Fortunately for her, she had midterm exams to occupy her mind. When she was focused on studying, nothing else could disturb her mind. But when all of her exams were finally over, she had nothing else to do.

"Hey Misty." On the last day of the exam week, Misty was greeted by her long-forgotten friend, Zoe. "Hi, what's up?" The wild blonde asked while she was organizing her locker.

"We are having a post-exam party tonight. You should come." The girl told the other excitedly.

"At your place?"

"No, at Madison's. I can't have a nice party at mine any more without my cousin crashing it."

Misty momentarily stopped her work and glanced at her friend. She bit her lip at the mention of her cousin, but she decided to dismiss it. It was a lovely invitation anyway. Lately she'd been having trouble sleeping. She had to think of an alternative, and drinking and partying could be a solution. The wild blonde accepted the offer, to which Zoe squealed before walking away from Misty happily.

00000

The party was as big as the one held at Zoe's, and the loud music echoed in sync with Misty's heartbeat. She and her friends had spent the last half an hour playing a beer pong. It wasn't the first time Misty had consumed alcohol, but the girl obviously had never been this drunk. She stumbled on anything in her way, but it felt good to her. Her brain swam, and Misty thanked the alcohol.

"Misty, are you okaaay?" Zoe grabbed her in the arm to help her stand straight, but the brunette herself was quite hammered as well. "Do you want to sit down?" She asked Misty, to which the wild blonde responded with a nod.

They marched towards the couch in the living room, and Misty was groaning and mumbling something all the way. When Zoe finally let both of them fall onto the couch, the brunette noticed the music had changed. And apparently so did Misty, because as soon as she had heard the melody, she suddenly got herself up and ran to the middle of the room.

"This is my song!" The wild blonde shouted as she danced to the lyrics of Rhiannon. She twirled, and the move brought the rim of her black dress up just above her knees. In her drunken state, all she could do was not to fall down, but Misty didn't care.

 _All your life you've never seen a woman, taken by the wind_

 _Would you stay if she promised you heaven? Will you ever win?_

She twirled and twirled, until she couldn't keep her balance and collapsed on the floor. "Misty, are you ok?" Zoe tried to help her up, but Misty remained there, silently crying. "Oh my god, what's wrong? Are you hurt?" The brunette's voice was full of concern.

Misty shook her head to indicate she wasn't hurt, at least not physically. She didn't know how to explain this feeling with words. "Cordelia…" The name the girl treasured so much slipped out. "Miss. Cordelia…" Misty repeated the name again and again like it was some sort of incantation. She hated herself, for not being able to take care of herself, for allowing herself to be such a mess, for thinking even for a second she could have the woman. She cursed herself for believing it would be easy to get rid of the woman from her head, because even now, all of the lyrics reminded her of the older woman.

00000

When chirping sounds of birds woke her up next morning, Misty had no clue where she was at first. She brought her heavy body up. Her head hurt like she'd been hit by a car, and she had some bruises on her legs, too. She blinked a few times to clear her vision, and she came to a realization that it was the piano room of the ruin. The wild blonde had somehow managed to get here, but she didn't remember anything from last night.

It was a Saturday, which meant Cordelia wouldn't be here today. Misty laughed at the irony that this place was where she had ended up in her drunken state. It seemed like there was no escape from this heartbreak. She slowly made her way to the grand piano and stood in front of it. While sighing, Misty hit a few keys here and there before realizing she had never seen the grand piano without the pianist. She looked around the room and noticed the curtains were open just like when Cordelia had pushed her away. It felt like the room had its own world within; the sound of birds had ceased, and the only sound in the room was Misty's breathing.

She tried to calm her breaths, but the harder she tried, the louder her heartbeat sounded, and soon she found herself weeping once again. But it was different this time; she wasn't crying for the other woman. She was so tired of everything. She wanted this to end. She hoped if she cried hard enough, it would numb her heart.

After she finally managed to compose herself, she took a deep breath for the last time. She raised her hand and took the flower corsage off her hair before putting it on the keyboard. It was meant to be a goodbye; Misty didn't know if she was strong enough to say it to the other's face without breaking into tears. So instead, she left a flower, a fingerprint of her existence. Misty thought about leaving a letter as well but decided against it since she couldn't find a thing to say.

Knowing she wouldn't come back here ever again, she tried to remember the every detail of the room before leaving. The room looked strange to Misty's eyes. Maybe it was because the curtains were open, or maybe because she had actually never taken time to look. She was too busy looking at the person next to her then. Misty closed her eyes at the memory, and the image of Cordelia appeared behind her eyelids. When she opened them, of course there was no one there. Misty glanced at the flower on the piano once again and shut the door behind her.

00000

" _ **It scares me how hard it is to remember life before you. I can't even make the comparisons anymore…It's simply a matter of is and is no longer."**_

― _David Leviathan, The Lover's Dictionary_

Another two months had passed, and everyone was about to go insane because of the finals. It amazed the wild blonde how fast time flew. She hadn't spoken to Cordelia, although she thought of her every day despite her effort not to. She'd seen her once, however, at a supermarket when the girl was getting groceries for her mother. Misty only glanced at the other shortly before walking away as if they were strangers.

The truth is, Misty wanted to talk to her badly, wanted things between them to be the way they used to be. Laughing and playing and singing. She missed all of it like old childhood memories, but it was also true that she didn't want to get hurt again. Whenever she felt some hand pulling her to the old building, she had to remind herself what had happened and what would happen if she saw Cordelia again.

That's why it confused the young girl when she found herself standing at the door in the old school building. No, she chose to come here after a long debate with herself, so it shouldn't be confusing or anything. Yet, her heart was screaming not to go in. Trying to come up with a way so she could be the one in control of the situation, she glared at the wooden door as thought it was the devil she had to defeat.

So caught up with her own thoughts, it took several seconds for her to register what was being played. Landslide by Fleetwood Mac. Misty wondered if the woman behind the door was playing the song because the woman herself liked it or because the wild blonde liked it. _It doesn't matter_. The woman feeling nostalgic was none of her business.

She grabbed the door knob and pushed it open slightly enough to peek inside. It was Cordelia playing the piano just like she always did. _Maybe she's glad she got rid of me_. Misty stepped inside, and the clicks of her heels gave away her presence to the other.

Cordelia abruptly turned around, looking at who could be in her safe haven. When she realized who was standing, she looked away with her eyebrows knotted together. "Misty, what are you doing here?"

The voice sounded nothing but cold and annoyed, but Misty was anticipating something like this. She continued to stand tall like a cat in a fight, placing herself in a higher position than her opponent. "I came to talk to you." The wild blonde stated. She had to suppress the desire to go and sit in her reserved seat next to the woman. _It's not the right time_. "I came to let you know that you don't have to worry about me anymore."

Cordelia frowned at the words. "What does that mean?" The woman felt small in front of the girl, both due to their physical relation and the guilt she felt for shutting her up.

"I am moving. I'll be gone when the semester is over."

And with that, all Cordelia could utter was a small "oh." It could've been taken as a relieved 'oh', or it could've been a surprised 'oh', but neither of the women was sure. Cordelia looked up from the floor after failing to find more legitimate words. Misty couldn't reckon any emotion in the brown eyes.

"I came because I figured at least you deserve to know. You are the closest friend I had here." Misty kept herself collected while she uttered her line. She had rehearsed this entire thing in her head before coming here. She knew every move and line she had to take, but apparently her acting partner wasn't following the script. Misty expected the other to say something, anything, but so far all of what had come out of her mouth was a single vowel.

Misty let out a sigh as she watched the woman bit her lip in thought. "Well, that's all I have to say, so…" She trailed off and waited a few moments in case the other had something to say, but Cordelia only fidgeted with her fingers and showed no sign of speaking. It felt odd to see Cordelia like this; the woman was usually very confident and even terrifying, but the person sitting in the chair was so small and full of insecurity. And Misty felt selfish, but seeing Cordelia in this state made her feel even closer to her. The woman always surprised Misty by showing aspects of her the girl never imagined, and this time was no exception. She loved that woman so much. She felt tears rising up from her stomach. "Cordelia." Misty whispered and waited until Cordelia's eyes rose from the floor and met Misty's. _I love you_. "Goodbye."

00000

Cordelia was a hot mess. Her makeup was smudged with tears, and her usually neat hair looked like a bird nest. She just woke up after she'd drunken herself to sleep. Her head was killing her, but Cordelia couldn't care less. The ache in her heart was far more painful than the stupid hungover. She looked over her alarm clock, which read 10:35 pm. She had grabbed every bottle of alcohol she could find after Misty gave her a final goodbye. If there was more alcohol, she would've drunken more and gone back to her coma. Her body felt like metal, and her brain was useless.

Yet, even in this mess, Cordelia's brain still sought the image of her wild blonde. Her Misty, with so much affection that it inundated her heart. Cordelia started to sob again for the hundredth times that night. Even after she thought she couldn't shed any more tears, her body found a source from somewhere. It was draining her both literally and figuratively. She needed to stop, except that she didn't know how.

00000

Misty was in her room getting ready for bed when she heard her phone ring. It was an unregistered number. "Hello?"

"It's me. Cordelia." The woman's voice was heavy from exhaustion.

"Cordelia – how did you –"

"Come out of the house." She interrupted Misty. "I'm at your door."

Struggling to assess the situation, Misty made her way to the front door. When she opened the door, she was greeted by the sight of disheveled Cordelia.

"Cordelia, how did you –"

"Come with me." The woman put as much of authority as she could in her voice.

"Where are you taking me?"

"For a drive."

"Okay… let me just –"

"No, please. Come with me."

Cordelia tugged the girl in the sleeve of her pajama. The young girl was simply going to grab a jacket, but Cordelia puppy-eyed her not to abandon her even for a second.

"Ok, fine." She raised her hands to indicate her surrender and let the woman take her to the car.

The drive was quiet. Misty toyed with the radio mindlessly, but for some reason, listening to music was even more unbearable to Misty. She turned off the radio and sighed. "Will you tell me where we're heading?"

"We are almost there." Cordelia said, and after ten minutes or so, she pulled over and got off the car.

Following the woman, Misty looked around to see around the place. Behind them were bushes, and there was no street lights above their heads. She joined Cordelia, who was half-sitting on the bumper and locking at the view before her.

They were on top of a hill, where they could see the town from above. Street lights and car lights illuminated the whole town, and Misty thought it was one of the prettiest views she'd ever seen. "It's beautiful." Misty looked at the other, but the woman remained silent. The girl waited for the other to open her mouth, but as time passed, the winter wind became agonizing to the girl. She shivered, wrapping her arms around her body.

Cordelia snapped out of her thoughts and glanced up. "Are you cold?"

"Well, you pulled me out of the house before I could get a jacket, so yeah." The cold made it hard for Misty to sound as sarcastic as the words themselves. She trembled once more.

"I'm sorry." Cordelia grimaced at her earlier action before takin off her jacked. "Here." She held her arm to Misty, but the girl simply shook her head. "No, I'm fine."

"No, take it."

"I'm really fine."

Figuring this exchange would have no end, Cordelia stepped closer to Misty and put her jacket on the girl's shoulder. "I said take it, Misty."

Cordelia was glad the girl didn't shrug it off, but her hands remained on the jacket-covered shoulders _just in case_ , her fingertips caressing the wild blonde hair. With a meeting of their eyes, both of them froze, one wanting to lean forward and the other wanting to step back. Cordelia traced the jawline of the girl with her eyes before returning to the eyes, which shone as dark as her own under the moonlight.

"You must hate me." Cordelia said in a murmur, her hands still perched on Misty.

"I wish I did." The girl offered a tired smile. "But I don't. I can't."

"Why?"

"I don't know…do you need a reason to love someone?"

The woman bit her lip at the word. Her grimace stayed on her face as if it was the default. She let go of the jacket and took a step back before returning to the night view.

"Cordelia, why did you take me here?" The Cajun girl's voice was soft, and Cordelia's heart skipped a beat at the sudden lack of formality.

"I always come here when I'm sad, to calm myself, to be alone."

"Are you sad?" Cordelia heard innocence and curiosity in the voice and smiled for a split second. Turning her head to her right, she stared at Misty for a moment.

"You are leaving."

"I thought you wanted me gone." Misty snorted sarcastically but still quietly.

"I did, because it seemed like the best option at the time."

"And why is that?"

Cordelia paused, her eyes glued to the view below them. _Damn, it's so cold tonight_. "Because…because I'm a coward. Because I got scared. You make me feel the way I've never felt before, Misty. It feels nice and safe, and I was drawing myself in it. But you are young, smart, and… You can go out there and do anything you wish, and I'll be standing here, forced to look at the hole you've left." She closed her eyes and felt the cold wind hit the trail of burning tears.

"Do you remember when you asked me what I thought of you?" Cordelia didn't dare to meet the other's eyes, but she saw Misty nod her head in the corner of her vision. "Do you want to hear it?" Hesitation, and another nod followed. The woman took a deep breath. "I think you are a very intelligent kid, and also very kind. But not everyone knows the part of you because you don't let them see it. You act indifferent, detached even, but it's only because you need to protect yourself, from heartbreaks, from people's cruelty. You are too smart and too kind to ignore how fucked up the world is… You know very well that nothing lasts forever, and from the moment you find something special, you are already scared when it will end. And no matter how hard you try, you always manage to get your heart broken. Sometimes you wish you had a smaller heart, because no one seems to notice how ripped apart you are inside."

This left Misty speechless. She felt so vulnerable. When she moved her eyes from Cordelia to the town, she realized the lights were all blurry. She heard Cordelia sniff, but she couldn't fathom why she was crying. "And do you know why I think this way?" Misty heard the woman ask softly and shook her head.

"Because I am that person. I see myself in you. That is how I feel every day. I am not the strong person like you imagine me to be, Misty. I am scared, always. I am scared, because I don't know if I could go back to who I used to be before I met you. I am sad, because I know I can't beg you to stay with me." Cordelia wept her heart out, her eyes closed shut to prevent any more tears from falling down. "I love you so much it hurts. And I can't be the one to keep you from flying away." The older woman confessed quietly.

There seemed to be nothing left to say, and both of them fell silent. White breaths were slightly visible, and every time either of them sniffed, the cold hurt the nostril. Misty wiped away her now cold tears with her sleeve. As her vision became clearer, she moved her eyes to the woman next to her. Even with her disheveled look, Cordelia still exuded holiness. She could tell the woman was retreating to her world again, and in that moment, it seemed to Misty that the hardest thing was to reach out and take her hand. But as if some superior entity could hear her thought, Cordelia shivered, covering as much as skin as possible with her arms. Misty instinctively stepped closer to offer her warmth. She faltered for a moment after receiving a questioning look from the woman, but her hesitation disappeared soon and Misty pulled the woman in by the waist. "You are cold." She murmured, but neither of them believed that was the reason for the sudden action.

Cordelia stiffened at the sensation of flesh pressed against her, but soon she relaxed and let the feeling take over her body. The flowery scent of Misty's shampoo lingered in Cordelia's nose as she rested her head on the strong shoulder. She could hear the faint sound of the girl's heartbeat, but it soon became undistinguishable from her own. Everything about Misty intoxicated her, and Cordelia allowed herself to close eyes. Wrapping her arms around her neck, she brought the girl even closer to her, her hands in the wild hair.

Misty was feeling hazy. She finally had the woman in her arms, and she was hugging her back just as tightly. The feeling of Cordelia's hands in her hair had a powerfully calming effect on the girl, and Misty nuzzled into the blonde hair that smelled like peppermint. The wind blew hard, and Misty tightened her grip on Cordelia. "I love you." She whispered in her ear. Cordelia said nothing but nodded her head, letting the wild blonde know she'd heard it.

00000

Now that all of the finals were over, everyone was finally able to sit and relax. Misty, however, had no time to rest. She packed her stuff, which wasn't a lot since she never unpacked most of her belongings. When she came to this town, she would've never imagined her life would be changed for good. But here she stood in front of the house she called home only for five months, Misty couldn't help but get melancholy.

"I'll miss you." Misty glanced up to Zoe, who looked more emotional than the wild blonde.

"It's going to be alright." Misty told her casually with an assuring smile. That's how it's always been done, and Misty sometimes felt guilty for not feeling sad in such occasions. She was so used to goodbyes. "Take care of yourself, ok?"

The brunette nodded. "Oh, I almost forgot." She spoke quietly before sticking her hand to her big pocket. In her hand was a white envelope with nothing written on it. "It's from Cordelia."

Misty's eyes flickered to her friend's eyes before returning to the envelope. "Thanks." She took it and stuck it in her purse. Whatever the woman had to say in the letter, Misty had zero confidence in herself for not collapsing on the ground. "I didn't know you two were close." The wild blonde heard her friend. "I told her if she wanted to give that to you, she could just come over." Zoe shrugged at the earlier exchange with her cousin.

"I guess she is busy." Misty faked a smile, looking over her shoulder to see if her parents were ready to leave yet.

"That's what she said." Zoe answered.

"Mist, are you ready?" Her parents finished talking to their friends and colleges and walked towards their car, and Misty nodded her head yes. She looked back at Zoe. "Well, I guess that's it… See you, Zoe." Misty gave her a final farewell, already starting to walk backwards to the car. Zoe lowered her gaze and nodded. "See you, Misty."

The girl waved at her friend and kept watching her as the car drove away. When Misty saw the brunette go home, she turned to the front and sat deep in her seat. She looked down on her purse perched on her hip, staring at the envelope for a while. _What could that be that she has to say in a letter?_ Misty's mind swam with thoughts, her palms sweating and knee bouncing violently. It was nerve-wrecking. The girl finally stopped fighting her own mind and reached for the envelope, taking a cautious breath before undoing the seal.

To Misty's disappointment and surprise, the envelope didn't have a letter inside. She frowned slightly but soon realized what was inside. She brought the envelope close to her face and looked into it. The envelope was filled with blue rose petals, randomly but carefully put inside. Misty let out a quiet laugh, her vision getting blurrier each second. She had no clue what this meant or what Cordelia's intention was; it could've been an 'I love you' or maybe a goodbye, or a combination of both. All she knew was she would never figure out. Sniffing, Misty brought the flower-filled envelope to her nose and took in the scent.

It was rather a crude gesture on Cordelia's part, and Misty couldn't help wondering if this was how it was supposed to be. There could've been another way if Misty wasn't Misty and Cordelia wasn't Cordelia, but both of them were so used to goodbyes.

Misty breathed in and out carefully before looking out the window. Roads were as grey as they could be, but the sky above her was breathtakingly beautiful. There wasn't a single cloud, and the color of the sky reflected the rose petals in Misty's hands. Misty closed her eyes and rested her head against the window. The image of Cordelia playing the piano appeared behind her eyelids, and Misty could taste the salt in her mouth. She finally realized she would never get over this one. Damn the luck. Like or not, the woman would live in her memory forever, as the white ghost of her first love.


End file.
